Dolphinee

Late hour

2006-02-16T08:39:00.000-08:00

Its late now.. normally im still awake at tis hr, but today i was unwell,
was struggling to stay awake.

Was just a few days past vday. I was very down today..
Emotionally hurted. Was too much to expect someone who cares
to visit me when im sick without requesting..

Things that happen today, din understd why things turn out so badly..
blaming me for few mins.. misjudging my feelings based on the person's own judgement, even though was not hw i feel.
But does it matters, he doesnt believes me.

Was disappointed and hurt, i walked off in tears. Wonder how is ever possible, to overcome if there isnt even trust and beliefs and everything is only one-side to judge, worst based on my expressions which i cnt even have any control. I felt accused, misunderstood..

My Bday Yesterday!!!

2005-12-06T09:40:00.000-08:00

Was my 25th bday yesterday... orh.. the feeling of being a 25 yr old women... is different...

Sigh.. goals that was targetted this year seems to be drawing near, how to plan how to move forward for the coming year...All the thoughts come flowing to my mind at this late hour...

I was not feeling well for the whole of last yr, was suffering from poor stomach, vomiting even diarrhoea.. sigh!! lost 2kgs again.... was not feeling healthy... I realli hope to recover fast enuff so that i be a fit baby again ;)

Went out with family on Sunday to mushroom pot to have diner.. Yesterday, i went out for diner at Equinox. Was very happy, din expect to be able to celebrate as i was unwell.. All thanks to "C" ;)

Took some pixs below ;)

Company DnD

2005-12-06T09:14:00.000-08:00

Was few weeks since my company Dnd. There are not much programmes and the food .. hmm.. is so-so lor...
Sad leh, never win any price...

A pix taken during DnD ;)

My Feelings

2005-11-27T06:31:00.000-08:00

I have been feeling very down for past 1-2 wks, life seems to be a mess.
There is uncertainty in work and personal life. Just hurts and is so negative, din know i can manage to makes things work out, unhappiness and bitteress is bottling up inside me. Something i cherish very much, but yet i have no control over it, just feel things drifting apart and there is nothing i can do, the more i try, the worst i make things to be.

Just pray for God to be in control of my life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom i take refuge - Psalms 18:2
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Amen

Scribble

2005-11-15T08:06:00.002-08:00

Have been quite sometime since i last updated my blog. Just wana scribble something even though im very slpy.. *Yawn*

Yesterday, was activated twice on coverage in middle of nitz.. was hardly slping well...Woke up at 4am, felt like a server maid... haiz.. hv to wake up middle of nite to clean and tidy it.. wat can i say.. its part of my job..

Wish to move out of support job.. hv been very tedious, hectic and wearing out my life.. =O could hardly breathe.. Gota find a way out..

My instant ndle cooked now.. gota go.. will continue another day..

Early Morning

2005-09-18T10:20:00.000-07:00

Was an early Monday morning.... i was working on friday, sat morning and sunday.....
was so tired... i wonder when i can relax... somehow works just keeps coming..
like there is no end... well.. probably dats abt life in IT...

Hurray, finally i can claim a day off today... was hoping to rest.. and i realised i have to make my way out to data recovery center... the last hope to recover my precious data... so my day off is gone once again...

Now i am searching for solution to rescue my little fish.. it is having red spots and its neighbour was badly infected till it couldnt swim, hurts me so much to see it struggling....must save them...

WeekEnd Blues

2005-07-30T10:47:00.000-07:00

Today, or rather yesterday.. was a tiring day.Weather was so good on a saturday morning but i had to slog in the office... Too bad, no choice, the hardening schedules are real tight and i gota make it thru...

Life working in new company is really not easy.. Have been struggling to strive a balance between work and personal life.. The more efforts i put, the higher the expectations... dats the problem sometimes...Sigh!!!

Though work is tedious, but still ppl is the hardest to please at most times.. sensitive creatures... always so difficult to please...

Even at this late hour, guess wat, was trying to lookup some aerobics url links... searching for some LVM survival stuffs required for my work.. Guess dats the life of a hardworking IT Specs...

Life still goes on... However, i have to admit that i still enjoy the day much =)
Tomr would be a nice day as i would be going bladding... hmm.. sounds nice...

Need to tone down my baby fats.. haha...

Its late.. i gota go.. ciaos..

===Project Deadline SooN==

2005-04-08T20:15:00.000-07:00

After slogging for half a yr, my fyp reaching an end.. i was struggling.. To many other classmates, i was viewed as in a better situation.. but i hv suffered alot..

My illogical sense does not allow me to do coding very well.. & worst thing my fyp involves dat..
Duno how i ended up in such a state whereby, the project has reached to pt where i cnt do anything abt it, cos there is no way i can explain some of the results.. i was at a loss...

Struggling to still adapt to my new environment and work dat im doing now... at the sametime,
worried and stressed abt my proj. I hv to beg for help and still got rejected and blamed for nt being understanding. I wonder if anyone can understd how terrible i felt inside... looking at the days draw near, but yet proj is STUCK somehow. I also din entirely understd the coding portion..
WAT shld i DO... Now he busy with his own life and work, din hv much time to bother with me also, afterall not knwing wat i be able to gv him in the end, i guess it does hv an impact on assistance rendered..

I told myself, i dun want to be in such a limbo situation anymore, dun wan to be dependent on others, wanted to strong and independent women. Pray that God will bring me thru this period of tough times, that i may be able to graduate after 4 yrs of struggling. Amen

Agape, Irene

Updates..

2005-03-31T05:25:00.000-08:00

Updates.. upon my prosecution.. it was ok.. i manage to survive.. head din roll =O
Just back frm work.. struggling... lor..everyday slog like a dog.. just hv to work and work..
maybe dats the life of an IT specs.. wat a life....

Wana rest a while then continue doing my fyp.. Have tout thru some tings tis few days..
no pt to worry to much or be neg.. just let it be.. and be myself.. c how things goes...

Wana gain confidence & be happy.. lor..
Life is short and who knows wat mite happen rite..

Ciaos

Prosecution Tom???

2005-03-27T05:01:00.000-08:00

Waoh.. so nice.. the feeling i had on last thurs.. looking fwd to the long wkend though.. i still be doing my final project.. Was working on routine tasks for entire list of svrs as usual...
Couldnt there by more meaningful tasks to do.. Worst still always dun hv the info to work on..
hv to ask atleast > 4 times for missing info.. here and there.. running like a dog...den wasting time waiting to ask... the person could hv provided it all lor.. save my breath & her from feeling irrated.. Erm.. Well..mabe dats LIFE.. SUCKS

Rush off with parents picking me up ard 7pm.. no time to keep all my stuff...left the paswd file with pile of notes on top to conceal.. i rushed off... Fri.. Waoh Gd Friday... just b4 rushing out for an impt appointment.. tout of sending out work which i owned her.. to my SHOCK.. i got stabbed
BADLY from my back.. an email was sent out and CC to my boss with alot of sarcasm.. could hv got me out of job... & i had to send an apology mail to all dat was inside.. i din mind to admit dat mistake lor, but just couldnt stand the fact, dat she din even gv abit of chance at all.. the email was almost unreadable.. i was stoned & lost. My mood for the day was affected cos of dat, thks to RI.. his company make me forget abt all the troubles temporarily..

On sat, there i was rushing proj at home & the uncomfortable feelings came flooding me.. i felt pissed off with her... is there a need to push so far.. i din understd why she could hv done tat.
WAT HV I DONE???????? Wonder hw my boss will react to it after reading her email...
All my hopes pinned on the new environment was dashed just like dat, i cnt imagine how to carry on working in future like dat...Tom, i am prepared to apologise and insulted by her...

Wats wrong.. why am i meeting tough ppl like dat.. why hv to face confrontation like tat...
i simply HATE it.. why mus ppl always push their luck so far..

I pray for grace and strength & God to carry me thru. Though i din understd why all these have to happen to me.. Despite of watever happens, i prayed that i will not be pulled dwn by all these endeavors... i pray that it would mould be to be a stronger person in Christ.

Amen

Arghh... Watz happening NOW!!

2005-03-10T22:40:00.000-08:00

Once i was working under the SUN for 4 yrs and i choose to break out from it..den i was stuck in Windows, now im back under the SUN.. and HP

Actually refering to environment i work in lar...I muz be crazy.. moving here and there.. Was once almost "so-called" guru in sun...but den company CMI.. so i decided to try a different favor.. and now im back again after 1 round to SUN and on HP. From a sysadmin -> sys consultant -> IT Specialist

Was struggling to get the engine started once again.. Juggling btw studies and work and here i am now, sick and home.. but rushing project.. wat the hackz..

Times werent dat easy.. Im now in a new company, collegues are very nice.. and my peers very technically inclined.. Im the youngest there now. Im wanted to be as gd as them.. BUT i CNT commit yet cos i got my fyp to complete..

Was installing hpux server after such a long time, but the machines here were all Giants.. They were all the E15k, E10k, SuperDome and clustered servers..Oh my God, these new babies are so ex and complicated to take care... I have no exposure to them.. Worst thing dat can happen is tat, even b4 installing, i was stucked at the GSP console.. wat a joke.. sob sob i cnt believe it..Went for help but the contract guy cnt be bothered to entertain.. I told myself, i will get it up myself and was even reading manual during diner. Tried the next day and manage to not just get it working but manage to create physical volumes, device file,vg and lv..all using cmd lines.. Even extending /usr lv in init s..I was proud of myself for awhile. Managed to get everything up in ard 2-3hrs time..

I wish i can be as fast as some male geeks lor, but my hw specs different.. so how.. the processor isnt as fast as i wana it to be. Especially when a person hv been working for yrs, ppl tend to hv higher expectations. I wish to cast away the negativeness that has been constantly hounding me and move on to be positive and cheerful person, and be a capable and respectful women.

Gona work real hard and not to forget, to pray for God's blessing in my life. Not to be put down by my weakness but allow me to use my strengths to the fullest in the required areas. Amen

Agape,
Ruth

New Thoughts in my life

2005-03-02T04:37:00.000-08:00

Its another tiring day.. Rushing after project and work everyday is eating
up my life. Arghh.. i feel so lethargic. Life for me has moved on to another phase.. I have moved to a new job and left my past relationship as well..

Relationship & work have changed me. I have suffered in past from being an outspoken and friendly ger and i am learning it in a hard way.

The negative side of me seems to have overgrown and i have to constantly console
myself to think on the bright side of life. The uncontrolled stress i have is driving me crazy and the way i try to curb it is to constantly jog & jog. The complexities in life arising
from people to people relationship is driving me crazy.. dun understd why isit so hard to always click with some gers... arnt i normal? Sigh.. wats wrong..

Being in the society for 5 yrs, i have been searching for my career goals. Have always been asking myself, wat do i wanabe huh? Realising my ambitions and matching it with reality seems impossible. As i work, i realised my weakness and that has handicapped me in reaching my goals. Yet, there are somethings that i cnt change & also too late to turn back on.. What can i do?

Uncertainities have gain control in my life. I pray that God will show me the way &
lead me to where He wants me to be. I pray for shalom peace, so as it ties with my name.

Amen

1st Updates!!!

2005-02-20T08:19:00.000-08:00

Aiyoh, wonder why am i here at tis hr.... blurp.. shld be slping by NOW!!!!

Have plan to slp early so tat tom wnt wake up looking like a panda...and listless lor..

Suppose to accomplish big MISSION tom, gota get tasked to do some scriptings for my new job.. stressed arh...cos i so long not been in tat liao... always stuck in Windows...=O

No choice, still gota chiong.. n try my best tom lor...

Its oreadi 12:21hrs liao.. gota ciaos..

Nitz...

Just Born...

2005-02-19T19:46:00.000-08:00

First time blogging after living for 24 yrs... hehe...
So interesting...

A pix of my cutie dolphinee...